I will never forget this day. Homecoming junior year. I remember being excited because it was my sisters first homecoming as alum from CMU and she was spending the day with me. I woke up giddy and got all dolled up. I poured my alcohol (all of maybe 2 shots worth) into an empty water bottle and had a redbull in hand. After many pictures and breakfast, my roommates and I walked over to where our 4-way tailgate was being held (all of which was a 2 minute walk). We took many more pictures (valuable information as I have pictures of how little of alcohol I had that day in my hand), danced, and I got to see some good friends from the fraternity where the tailgate was. They offered me a Jell-O shot as I walked inside and grabbed one with him, and we both yelled “cheers!” After this shot, details begin to become fuzzy.

At some point, not sure with who or how, but we make our way to the football tailgate parking lot. I remember saying “hi” to more people and taking more pictures. I maybe took one or two more shots of the same alcohol my friend was carrying. That was it, 4-5 shots of alcohol the whole day. This friend and I decide its time to go into the game and as soon as we enter, he had to go bathroom so I decided I should probably go as well. We split ways and say to meet up between the concession stands/bathrooms. I enter and I immediately feel warmer (which it was a pleasant but almost chilly day out if anything). I walk to the first open stall I see which happens to be the 4th or 5th stall on the right. I enter, close that green door, and lock it. I don’t even have to pee but at this point, I feel dizzy and woozy. I sit down, put my head between my knees into the toilet and start dry heaving. Eyes are closed the couple times I heaved but I suddenly open for just a second and see drops of blood and only drops of blood in the toilet. I quickly shut my eyes again and just think, I need to breathe and stay seated, whatever is happening, it will pass. Well not sure how much time passes but all of a sudden a girl (who I was later told was a Residential Assistant) took my phone from my hands and started asking my passcode numbers. Me, suddenly mute, suddenly dazed, just show her each number separately with my fingers. She opens my phone and calls 911. Minutes most likely pass and there probably was a crowd making the place warmer around me in the bathroom, and a cop grabs under my knees as another grabs under my armpits to carry me out. Suddenly I can breathe again with cooler air but it’s like it hits me too fast and I start hyperventilating. The EMT offers an oxygen mask to which I still am mute. She puts it on my face and I quickly rip it off. I cover my eyes and just cry because I am afraid and I was embarrassed. At this point, (as I was told later) my friend is balling his eyes out, another friend who somehow found me got arrested for trying to see and help me, and my roommate from freshman year became my person in the ambulance.

Hours pass, and I wake up in the hospital on my right side, IV in my hand, shivering and with a sorrow look. I see my roommate from sophomore year sitting there. All I can think about is how cold I am. She fills me in on the details I missed. A nurse comes in 30 minutes to an hour later to try and get me to pee in a cup. Nope. Not happening. I was too dehydrated because trust me I tried, but nothing. I walked back out, IV cart in my right hand, empty cup in my left and I walked back to my bed. Minutes to possibly another hour pass, I sign release papers, and my roommate drives me home.

I’m not really sure the events after that that took place other then someone from my sorority made me go to honor council (which is a way to keep sorority sisters accountable for low grades, bad attendance, breaking rules, etc). As I realize who sent me, I feel betrayed and confused because I thought this “friend” cared more for me than to “turn me in”. I told the five executive board girls my story of what happened and they punish me after saying (along the lines) “I made our sorority look bad and I should of been more responsible”. I was hurt. This is when I realized I wasn’t in a sorority for sisterhood anymore, and this sorority was doing more harm than good for me (to which is one of many reasons I dropped that next year). I also had to deal with telling the leadership office for Leadership Safari during my interview for core guide (after many tears as well). This ended up being not what they wanted to hear to which I then had to have another conversation with Dani and be placed as ranger guide instead. And my fourth conversation was with the leadership institute which holds my scholarship. This was the only conversation I had that I felt like they cared, did everything to help me and understood.

I bring this story up because I have never overdosed (which I’ve never done any drugs either), over drank, or ever been in trouble. But after this moment, I felt more alone and afraid for my health. I went through tests to see if it was an ulcer as it was the only explanation for the blood, but they came up negative. Still to this day, I’m not sure what happened. I’m not sure if it was a combination of being dehydrated and tipsy or I begin to wonder if I was possibly drugged from that Jell-O shot. Without any tests from that day to clear up my confusion, it will stay a mystery. But from this experience, I have found my true best friends who will go to lengths to be there for me and left the ones who were only keeping me for reputation. I have found a new love to care for myself and to only trust my own drinks. And I have found a way to be honest with others and accept any backfire that may come with it.